Through Irish Eyes or one brown eye

I would like to let everyone in on a day in the life of me as i see it. The day I would like to share is Monday, Decemer 22nd. This is the day I had at 26 years old my first colonoscopy. Everyone told me the prep was the worst part. I beg to differ. But the prep sucked too. I wont get into most of the prep but it consisted of drinking a fowl tasting 32 oz beverage and not eating for about 30 hours except for jello. The rest of the prep is far too digusting to mention on this blog.

So I am all prepped and ready to go as I lay on the bed in my gown with no underwear looking around at all of the other patients in the room. By the way the room that they prep you to go in for the procedure is the same as the recovery room. Again, I am looking around the room at people mostly asleep from anesthesia. I notice that they are taking entirely too long to wake up and i say to myself, not me im getting right the hell outta here as soon as I come to. I also notice this older black women across the way that I immediately realize should be in a nursing home. She had a bottom lip that hung down to her chest and she was unable to answer simple questions such as who is driving you home? or are you diabetic? Then comes my IV insertion. This is what I call the worst part not the drinking of prep beverage. Apparently my veins sucked cuz i was really dehydrated. Although they kept saying they look good they look good. Well, after about 6 attempts and me being in great pain the nurse says, "I dont think i can get this, I'll have to call Rose over". Im like what? Rose? Where was Rose to begin with? What were you doing before? Practice time on my arms. So Rose comes over and takes a stab at it (ha) literally i guess. i can tell that when she put in the IV it still wasnt in right cuz it hurt really bad. But i didnt say anything cuz i thought that i was starting to look like a heroin addict with all of my puncture wounds.

So they wheel me into the procedure room and i notice that it is now 11:30 and I'm thinking to myself, why the fuck did that have me arrive at 930 if i dont even get wheeled in until 1130? whatever. So inside the procedure room i meet the Anesthesiologist. She is looking over my chart and she starts laughing. im like what are laughing at shes like it says here how much alcohol you consume and you put 5 beverages a week ( i low balled the shit out of that) im like yeah i have 5 beverages what of it? shes like usually people dont put beverages they put drinks, im like whatever. so then shes about to put me to sleep and i tell her that just to warn you guys i think there is still like a lot of liquis in my stomach so you might wanna watch out. she says dont worry we have one of those suction things like dentists have. im thinking whoever has to hold that thing has the worst job ever. After that i discuss that i am going to try to fight off the anesthesia as best i can and stay away for as long as i can. she then injects the sleep potion. i scream out im gonna fight it! and im not sure i got out all of the words before i fell asleep.

as im waking up i felt like i drank an entire bottle of gin. i was if i was black out drunk. i was back in the original room recovering. with 10 other people ( some prepping some recovering). The first thing i hear is the nurse right in my face saying you sure do like that F word. Im like what? what do you mean. she then tells me that i have been ripping off my wires and IV an stuff and saying fuck. Now i know that if I said fuck to my nurse than i probabaly told her that i will SEE HER NEXT TUESDAY aswell. so im like super embarassed but im still feeling drunker than ever. Then i remember that im not going to be one of those people that hangs around recovering all day. I hop up and say call my parents im ready to go give me my juice and graham crackers. I pounded the juice and there were crums all over me from the graham cracker. still im and back and forth from being aware of what i was doing at all. i then realize that i must have pissed off all of the nurses so i try make them liek me again. I see this Happy Holidays sign and i blurt out raelly loud, " Christmas is in 3 days, do you believe that". none of them responded so i think what can i do to ease this tension. I fall back asleep but when i wake back up im singing i have no gift to bring pa rum pum pum pum. (i think i was singing this cuz at nicholas' Christmas Pageant at Church of the Brethren Preschool i saw him singing this) anyway again no one responds to my singing so i sing louder and louder and louder thinking they must not hear me. Finally i hear this nurse say, " sounds like we got a singer over there" Right at that time i see my mom and dad come in. i jumped out of bed not realizing that i had little control of my balance. i damn near crashed into like 3 other people recovering while i was on my way to going to get dressed.

Finally im dressed and my parents walk me outta there as if i had downed a bottle of patron. I dont completely sober up until i get home an hour later.

End result, no colon cancer.

Just a little slice of life through my eyes

Merry Christmas,

PMB