Friday, January 9, 2009

amo vball: volume 1

todays story is about the intramural volleyball league i joined. our first scrimmage was last night, i joined with 4 of my girl friends (i will name them Xtine, Hardcore, Captain, and Door) and then we got placed with 7 other randoms. and i really mean randoms. i will get to this later.

our scrimmage doesnt start til 8:30 so the 5 of us decide to go out to dinner beforehand to come up with brilliant ideas. and of course we do. by the end of dinner we have changed our name from zsvbten to "we're bumpin'," (we noticed all of the other teams somehow created a sexual innuendo with a volleyball term so we followed suit), we had also decided that we are going to invest in shorts and tube socks from american apparel (oh, how hipster of us!), and tearaway pants or some sort of warm-up suit, have part of a playlist put together for "warm-ups" and are well our the way in coming up with a dance routine.

so we walk over to the highschool our league is held at - the gym is on the 10th floor. wtf. with the slowest elevator ever. we arrive at the 10th floor and quickly realize we are the only 5 from our team that have shown up. we go to the bathroom and change into our clothes and apply our full faces (this was my idea you would be so proud of me m1!!!)

to set you up with who Xtine is: she is wearing pink tennis shoes because thats the only pair she owns and she has had them since 9th grade when she was in her pink phase, a rolling stones tongue tshirt hung off one shoulder, and black stretch pants. i am of course wearing my team olson gsf tank (represent!), and captain and hardcore are wearing knee pads that they asked for for xmas. guess i should have thought of that. pause naht.

we start warming up - its pretty apparent that none have us have touched a vball in atleast 10 years. Xtine says she is going to practice "digging" and immediately face plants so hard on the floor. seriously. it was fucking hilarious. i literally peed myself a little. we are such trainwrecks laughing so hard that we can't even warm up. At one point i take a glimpse over at the other teams warm-up routine - they are standing in a neat circle volleying the ball to eachother with straight faces. then i look back at us. 2 of us are on the floor and the rest of us are awkwardly hitting the ball so hard it hits the ceiling. then i look at the ref. he is laughing so hard at us. i think to myself - 'this is gonna be an interesting 10 weeks.'

This scrimmage is supposed to tell what category we are supposed to be placed in. Before we started the ref has already told us that he is placing us in the "extremely casual" league. I guess thats appropriate.

so .0078647386 seconds before the first game is supposed to start one of our randoms shows up. i will call him beanpole because he was about 8' 7" tall and weighed no more then 115 pounds. so beanpole is genuinely awkwarding out about whats going on and just stands there in awe of the 5 of us for the first game like he has never seen a female act like this before. or maybe never actually been this close to 5 females at the same time. probably both.

the first game starts. 15 points later its over. we lost 15-0 in about 3 minutes flat. during which time Hardcore gets "angry" about something and throws the ball nearly ripping my face off of my face.

2 more teammates show up: Braceface and Zsportsdude3000. Braceface is an obvious nickname because he has braces. Zsportsdude3000 is more of a stretch. he admits that the reason he was late is because he was at his dodge-ball game with the same organization. wtf. 2 teams in one season?? he even took a cab to come meet us so he could be on time. guess that didn't work out as planned. (maybe he didnt understand that our first game would only last 3 minutes).

so once we got some more people on the team and warmed up we got progressively better. not to say we were "good" or anything. second game 15-7 and 3rd game 15-13. During the second game "Door" goes up to serve, turns to Captain and asks her how she is supposed to do it. She is doing these hand motions like she has never seen, heard of, or touched a volleyball. Then she goes to serve it and the ball literally just rolled out of her hand. The ref fell off his stool laughing so hard, and says that if this were a regular game night he would buy our whole team a round of shots for making him laugh so hard. SCORE. this is gonna be easy.

so the rest of the game was still fucking hilarious but im pretty sure i have highlighted all of the good parts.

now, i will move onto the happy hour.
we get to the bar, sit down at the table, and order some pitchers. IMMEDIATLEY brace face is saying "SO HAVE YOU ALL KNOWN EACHOTHER FOREVER, DO YOU WORK TOGETHER, DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER, WHAT FIELD DO YOU WORK IN?!?!?!?!!"

TIU buddy. one question at a time.

apparently they have already had a conversation and decided that we are not school teachers or librarians. good job boys.

so all of them are trying to "impress" us in different ways. Braceface tells us he is in finance, ZSportsdude3000 has just returned from a trip to europe, and beanpole lives in the east village. This is about as far as they got with semi-impressive comments until they took a terribly wrong turn. Within 5 minutes braceface is defending tom cruise being a normal human being, ZSportsdude3000 is admitting that he watches desperate housewives alone, and beanpole...well i dont really know what beanpole was doing. i think he was hitting on door.

so before we can get too out of hand and blow these sweet boys out of the water, we decide to go home. this is not before they have all told us atleast 3 times how WE ARE THE MOST FUN TEAMMATES EVER.

i bet they think they hit the jackpot on this one. i cant wait to meet the teammates that didn't show up. (shakes head no).

until next time,
amo

2 comments:

charles washington said...

alison, you change the colors & font everytime you log in, don't you?

KGree said...

I am thoroughly impressed with this entry and that is an understatement. Can't wait for your next game.

Also it would be wise to take a team photo so we can put faces to names.