bumpin like a g thang (babay)

Happy Friday! Last night was our first official volleyball game (last week was a scrimmage for those of you who don't remember). I guess I will just start from the beginning without giving any precursor. well i guess i will give you one precursor: the happy hour portion of this story will far exceed the actual game portion. i suspect that this will become a running theme as the weeks progress. Ok, so here it goes.....

The game was scheduled at 6:30 pm in the same high school as last week. I left work around 5:57 pm and met hardcore, captain and mel (she is new and we we still need a nickname for her) and went over to the school early so we could "get ready." now, most of you probably perceive "getting ready" as involving changing into your gym attire, double tying your shoes to make sure you dont trip, and throwing your hair into a sloppy ponytail that you could cfl about. well, i guess i can say we tend to do things a little different. hardcore brought fabric scissors so we could cut up our shirts and make them more flattering(?), xtine comes running in flailing around like a maniac cause shes late, we have annialated the bathroom so it no longer represents a high school shit hole bathroom but is now some sort of circus changing room, full faces are being applied (obvi), and just general chaos all around. you know the drill. i forgot to mention that this entire time a new teammate of ours that we havent met (besides the obvious stalking on facebook because her profile isn't private) has joined us in the bathroom. we have nicknamed her "champion." i'll get to that later. but im pretty sure the sight of us made her want to run back to the warmth of her hippie bedroom never to emerge again. i guess we are that scary.

so, we head up to the gym and start practicing. beanpole and zsportsdude3000 are already up there - awkwarding out and waiting for us to entertain them. warm-ups go a lot smoother last week besides the fact that champion and her boyfriend douchey are being fucktards and wanting to control the entire situation. ummm excuse me, but we have a rule that if you dont show up to the scrimmage you dont get to pretend like you run the game. i guess they didnt get the memo. 

by the end of warm-ups my arms are already hot red in color because i actually have NO idea how to play volleyball so i just run around like a chicken with its head cut off and my arms held together and my fists balled up until i hit it. usually works out great (shakes head no).

the first game starts. im already a hater of the other team because they have 2 guys on the team that think they are the shit. we named them spider monkey and smirkey. spider monkey cause this dude would get all up in the net and make weird constipated faces at you so you couldnt focus on anything besides getting him an ex-lax, and smirkey cause he constantly had this terrible grin on his face that i wanted to kick in. im not hostile or anything.

we lose the first game 15-4. spider monkey has hit captain in the head with the ball, smirkey is trying to cheat (im sure of it) and the girls on their team are nowhere near as fun or attractive as us. not like we were comparing or anything...

second game: door shows up. mother f'er. she is going on and on about how she just went to the david letterman show and it was so fun and blah blah blah i wasnt listening. im more thinking in my head "dont call her door to her face, dont call her door to her face, dont call her door to her face." also at the same time hardcore is staring at her with a glare that could burn through elephant skin. so basically i ignored everything she said and told her i couldnt listen because i was too focused on the game. fuck your ass.

we lost the second game 18-16. we were doing so good until door stood there like a mother f'ing boulder and didnt try to hit anything. but atleast we went into overtime! third game was a rally game because they had to go  fast so the next teams could play. but we ended up winning!!! zsportsdude3000 was totally the MVP of the night spiking and bumping those balls like it was his job. we found out on facebook that he is recently single, so we can only speculate that he broke up with his gf for one of us and was trying to show off his skillz.

at this point its 730 pm, and we get all bundled up and forge through the cold to happy hour. champion and douchey didnt come because they are "sick." sure. whatever. fuck your ass. we get a table again and just start ordering pitcher after pitcher after pitcher. we are slowly turning the boys into assholes who throw other people under the bus just like us. (pictured to the left is beanpole and xtine having a very important conversation)

about half an hour into drink-a-thon 2009, us girls start to notice something hilarous going on. door is flirting with beanpole and zsportsdude3000 at the same time. she is mastering the art of the awkward flirt, and im pretty sure she doesnt realize that we are all sitting around the table laughing so hard at it. or maybe she does? care less. here is an excerpt from their conversation:

beanpole: "i like bisexual women. girls on girls is hot as long as im involved"

***awkward pause where xtine chugs a bottle of ketchup with a mouthful of french fries so she doesnt have to react to this***

door: "my mom once asked me if i was, like, a lesbian or something because, like, she thought i was. it was so funny"

***door bats her eyelashes while beanpole tries not to CoC***

we also found out that beanpole invited door to a party last weekend but she didnt go. ummmm.

hilarious. he invited her on facebook and i guess she didnt see it til after the party was over. so i guess my suspicions last week were right: beanpole WAS hitting on door.

gag me. thankfully we get word that karaoke is starting in 20 minutes so they give us the song books to occupy our time. we pick a couple songs such as: summer of 69 and i kissed a girl (a tribute to door). zsportsdude3000 wants to get in on the action, cause he is SINGLE. he says he wants to sing a rap song. as you see in these pictures, he is a skinny white dude with elastic bands around the ankles of his light grey sweatpants. not exactly the next eminem in my book. but okay, sure, whatever. care less. he chooses "nothin but a g thang." god, i cant wait for this.

so in between all of the people trying out for american idol and video taping themselves with side ponytails held up by banana clips - we sing (shout?) these songs. im pretty sure i peed myself as zsportsdude3000 "rapped" to this dr. dre song. meanwhile the rest of the bar has cleared out because we are so bad at singing and fat girls in red peacoats are arriving in taxis to this like its a red carpet gala.

4 and a half hours and a $200 bar tab later, we decide its time to go home.

i will leave you with a picture of xtine being a drunk idiot in her pink shoes on the train ride home. 

next week our game is at 9:30, so we are getting drunk beforehand. should get interesting.......

fya,
amo