the mom jean phenomenon

i went to a party last night in brooklyn heights. it was full of what most of you would easily describe as hipsters. and, tragically, about half of these folk were those inevitable "fashion hipsters." i will define that for you m1. a fashion hipster is someone who goes far beyond the normal realm of satirical clothing choices and decides that they are going to bring back every obnoxious trend from the past, and pretend its ironic and that therefore, they look cool and edgy. some examples: crimped hair, starter jackets, tucked in baggy t-shirts, large hair ornaments....basically anything that jesse spano (or any of the saved by the bell cast members) would wear. and that includes mom jeans. 

now, i've witnessed mom jeans creeping their way back into society over the past couple years. (mostly in williamsburg) im gonna be honest, they really do not look good on anybody. it does not matter how ano you are, how small your waist is, and if you have a BGB. you will still look like a mom. they will enhance any sort of FUPA that you may be inclined to have, make your ass look saggy, your legs look shorter, and give you the worlds worst camel toe. shirley and i defined this as "an around the world wedgie." 

these particular mom jeans i saw last night were a rotten breed. acid wash. vomik. this girl (who looked like she probs had a hot bod underneath this disaster) was prancing around the apartment in what could possibly be described as cute boots. but i could not be bothered to consider them fashionable because her ass looked like it was 24" long. in a bad way. she also had one of those rocker mullets and a plain baggy black t-shirt tucked into these catastrophe pants. to top it off she was holding them up with some sort of metallic belt that was pulled so tight it made the waist of the pants squinch up. 

but, sadly, its not just williamsburg jumping on this bandwagon. hollywood is tragically going there too. mischa. really? she is one of the most awkwardly skinny people in entertainment, yet she looks like she has birthed 5 children.  

so, team olson, lets make a vow now to never succumb to the mom jean phenomenon. keep them on the mid-western, diet-coke drinking, caravan driving mothers. thankyouyou'rewelcome. 

love, amo