a collection of short stories.

1. vball week 4.

last weeks volleyball game was not too exciting, hence the reason i have not written about it yet. our game was downtown in the financial district at some school that's right next to a prison underneath the brooklyn bridge. its a PITA to get to, and its not helping that it has already snowed 4 inches that day. great, FML. we played a team we have already played and they kicked our ass in all 3 games cause the lesbian ref had a crush on the lesbian girl on the other team and called everything in their favor. door and beanpole didn't show up - which led to the rest of us speculating that they were in the principals office making out or maybe out to a romantic dinner at some edgy place in the village talking about how much they hate everyone but themselves. we go to the bar afterward which THANKFULLY is right across the street from the gym and the prison - and we go ahead and order 3 pitchers to keep up tradition. we also order food cause it's 8:30 and none of us have eaten dinner. I play it safe and order a grilled cheese and french fries. cause you can't fuck up a grilled cheese, right? its butter, bread, and cheese. well, apparently i am wrong. the "grilled cheese" comes out open face style: 2 slices of toasted stale bread side by side that i think have been microwaved to melt cheese on top. the french fries look like they exited the fryer about 3 weeks ago and have been sitting in a warmer ever since. there is also a tablespoon of coleslaw on the side from 1902 and a pickle that has seen much better days. doesn't this sound appetizing? i go ahead and pour the entire bottle of ketchup all over everything in attempt to make it somewhat edible. turns out that wasn't the best idea. FML. so while we are all eating this FSAD meal, we are also talking about how depressing the economy is and how we are all scared about getting laid off. we stop drinking after 3 pitchers and go home. now can you see why i didn't want to write about it? most depressing shit ever.


2. br1's brothers "show"

so for those of you that do not know, br1's brother is in a band here in nyc. they were just named one of the top ten bands to look out for in 2009 by some hipster ezine. so br1 and i try to show our support as much as possible and go to their shows. last saturday was definitely one of the more interesting venues i have been to. it was in a weird cusp of brooklyn between east williamsburg and bushwick where people between the ages of 12 and 20 hang out outside of laundry city heckling each other and everyone else that passes by. we don't leave our apartment til 10:30 pm cause it is a really late show, and all i am hoping for is a bar stool and a nice cold $2 pbr. we get to the block that the venue is on and every single storefront is gated off and closed except one that looks like the entrance to an apartment building. this hipster of all hipsters peeks her head out of that door and waves us over asking us what we are looking for. we tell her we are with the band and she lets us in the door. sketchy. so we go into this hallway and walk up a set of stairs to a space that has 4 doors - all to peoples bedrooms. one of them is open and there is a girl sitting on the bed applying her full face. all of the other ones are closed. there is also something you could possible describe as a "kitchen" in this area - basically a hot plate and a microwave with some dishes stacked on top. Then there is a back room that is completely empty of all furniture sans one table that has a leopard print cloth on it and 3 bottles of grain alcohol, a can of pineapple juice, 3 liters of sprite, and some gummy worms. turns out these are the ingredients to make the "drink" they will be selling this evening. the hipster girl starts mixing all of these ingredients together in one of those huge orange coolers that you keep water or gatorade in at a sports game. i'm thinking that it is gonna be some sweet drink with a gummy worm as a garnish. turns out i was mistaken. in the end - these ingredients ended up making "gummy worm shooters" where you just eat the gummy worm like a jello shot - 2 for a dollar. br1 chose to partake in this and said it was like slimy fire burning his throat/esophagus/stomach. i opted out and chose to drink their only other drink for sale - 16 oz. cans of king cobra malt liquor. i wouldn't recommend it. so we are all standing around trying to stomach these liquids while the first band is setting up and eating chinese take-out at the same time. they are 3 college kids that look like they are stoned beyond all recognition and as soon as they are done their dinner they start playing music. its basically just a jam session with no actual songs or breaks between anything - just 20 straight minutes of beats that changed every 10 seconds. br1s brothers band decided they were gonna set up second so we can leave ASAP cause its turning into an all ages house party where everyone is getting FUBAR from eating gummys. they play their set and we leave immediately before the place gets busted by cops. and cause it's already 2:30 am.


3. vball week 5.

last night was another night of volleyball downtown. again - not too much happened. we get to the gym - our entire team is there (besides door) and the other team has 4 people. easy win? we think so. we will have a 2 person advantage the entire time, and we will constantly have fresh people entering the game. we are getting excited - this might be the change we need. win some games - and then get pumped enough to continue our winning streak through the rest of the season. turns out - we suck! we lost all 3 games. against 4 people. FML. how can we even be that bad? i dont really get it. we all run around like a bunch of idiots bumping into each other, falling all over the place, making the ref and everyone else in the gym laugh so hard at our failure. the best part about the whole evening is braceface moving over to the dark side and talking trash about the lame couple on our team - champion and douchedan. douchedan has this habit of clapping his hands when he serves the ball. he throws the ball up, claps his hand, then does this awkward jump and hits the ball - usually resulting in it barely making it to the net, and landing on our side of the court. then champion turns around and snaps at him with some bitchy comment. so after the 4th time this happened, braceface leans into me and says "dude, i bet she beats him when they go home." fucking brilliant. then he went a little too far and said "i wonder if he claps like that when they are doing it." vom. i dont want to imagine the granola couple naked. so after we lose all 3 games and our entire team has been put on suicide watch for depression, we decide that the only thing that will make us feel better is beer. so we head over to the same ol' raunchy bar as last week and order 3 pitchers of ice cold coors light. as we are drinking, TW cant stop talking about how 2D was his dentist and i'm about to lose it on him cause i think he is trying to weasel his way into team olson. beanpole starts talking about how him and door got into a lovers quarrel but wouldn't go into much detail about it. ZSportsDude3000 is getting all mad that we are talking about other people on our team behind their back. fuck your ass Zsportsdude3000. go join another league. so we didn't stay for long because nothing interesting was happening and we were all so hungry and didn't want to eat stale food. hopefully we will have a good week soon to bring the stories back up to a decent level.

alright, thats all i've got for now. this weekend is a ski trip with br1 + all the girls from my volleyball team + goebs. i'm sure i'll get a nice juicy story out of that one for ya.

xoxo fya,

amo