I wear my sunglasses at night

As you can imagine relatively easily, tto weekend was a success. Where some of my wishes lacked, others extended far beyond expectations. As a whole, it ranks somewhere between team o tupper lake trip #4627829 and kmo's birthday party weekend. Sadly, no new acro's were made, but we did manage to reintroduce arbor mist to our blood streams. The exotic fruits blend had a relatively good conversation with my veins. Something along the lines of "oh hi, last time we met I was able to convince this focker to get a nose ring, what do you think we can make her do this time?"

But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

Friday March 27, 2009

After a funny night with my birth family that involved me putting on a 2 hour show with props including wine, a baguette, a can of whipped cream, and some whiskey, I give m1 a call at our normal maxx out time - 8:30 am. Not surprisingly, she has been circling my moms house for 45 minutes with her grande coffee flavored sugar milk. I grab a banana, throw on a mismatching outfit, and run outside screaming over my shoulder

"bye mom, see you on Sunday"

I get in the car and m1 is obvi in a matching pink sports bra/tank/black pants with a pink stripe (no packy she wasn't wearing her lifting gloves). I am wearing a 4 year old red shirt and stretch pants with a hole in the knee (why do my stretch pants always get holes? Because furniture was invented for the sole reason of me running into it and tearing delicate clothing). Oh yeah, and a headband thing I got in Amsterdam with hippie shit all over it. Atleast I applied the full face.

We go to the gym and force our way through a 30 minute elliptical session as we maxx out on throwing everything besides ourselves under the bus. After the gym we skip the showers and head to target to pick up things m2 told m1 she needed to buy. This is where we began our encounter with frederick's most recent phenomenon. The lack of clothing that is ever supposed to be worn outside of the 4H club.

After target, we head over to the fsk mall, reapply our full faces at the makeup counters in macy's, and start looking for the evenings attire.

Macy's - flowery chiffon tops with pastel heels with rhinestones? I'll pass.

Mcdonalds - obese people eating filet-o-fishes at 10:30 am. Coffee please.

Charlote rousse - American apparel colorways (Finn woulda loved it) + forever 21 style wannabes + designers that graduated from university of pheonix online = the best fashion statements i've seen in awhile (violently shaking head no) And 2 for 10 sunglasses. We get 2 pairs.

Express - spring clearance rack 2001 called, they want their party tops back.

Gap - Guess this recession has made you the new old navy. Thank god I didn't have to see what kinda shit show old navy is churning out.

We leave the mall, empty handed, and head downtown for some lunch and more shopping. I think you can imagine how this went based on the picture of kristins outfit in the previous post. Atleast we got iced tea dudes.

Tired and disappointed we head back to m1s townhouse to f around with Zoe for a bit. And pretend we are watching tv even though we are doing everything in our ability to not look at it. (aside from my 10 minute obsession with watching bobby flay teach ellen how to cook) We decide to raid m1s closet for things to wear. 15 minutes later I am wearing one of m2s dresses from 1988 and m1 has on a black velvet prom dress. Tpbbf.

Then we get the 'brilliant' (subjective term) idea to go to rugged wearhouse to find our evening party wear. The best thing I encounter this trip is the door on my way out.

M1 drops me off at my moms house so I can hang out for awhile and pick up my stuff. An hour later I have stolen my little brothers car and am back at m1s house getting ready for the evenings affairs.

Kmo shows up 8 hours late, m1 steals everything she brought and puts it on immediatley so kmo has to find a new outfit. We head out the door for our team meeting over margaritas at lapaz.

For the few of you who aren't aware of the 'lapaz guide to dining out' it involves eating so much chips and salsa that you can get through the meal by ordering a $3 taco and then spending the rest of your disposable income on handmade margaritas.

Pacman Jones shows up 3 minutes after we arrive. He is dressed to impress, probably to compete with the 3 of us, and has his sailor mouth ready to make everyone else in our section wonder what they have done to deserve this torture. (just kidding they wanted to be us just kidding they just wanted to ask kmo on a date just kidding they just wanted to make sure it wasn't raining outside just kidding they brought their own hot sauce)

MH makes a quick appearance, obviously bringing props. A team olson dictionary with a lonely entry (tiu) and the original letter from chris at soccer camp. And of course 73664663728 stories about ridiculous shit she is doing now/we have done in the past.

2d makes an appearance toward the end of the meal, and immediatley checks my iphone for all of the latest apps. I impress him with the 'around me' application that, among many things, tells you where the closest apple retail store is. Guarantee that was on his iPhone within 15 minutes of his departure.

So we wrap up our meal and head on over to griffs for a typs evening of loud music, awkward encounters, and long bar lines.I dunno how else to explain the evenings events but place them in a list, so here it goes:

1. Every time I drink vodka I swear it will be the last time. So what do I order? Vodka sprite of course.
2. A elementary/middle school friend of ours is spotted. Kmo and I have mixed reviews on this subject - so I go say hi and am introduced to her husband. Duh - recognize you from bookface dude
3. Meerkat neck times 4
4. 2 fubared people dry humping and sucking face so hard 2.67 inches from my face. Insert awkward amo face here.
5. Kmo and amo double fisting miller lites. Volume 1.
6. Pacman and amo compete in the dance competition. I'm gonna call a solid win on this one.
7. 467753 compliments on my charlotte rousse sunglasses. C7R

At this point we head over to c-anal cause it's last call at griffs. I run into my exexex boyfriends friends who corner me for a quick maxxout questionaire. We get over this scene fast, get into the creepiest cab ride of our lives, and head back to m1s house. I'm gonna go ahead and skip the deets of the cab ride and let your imagination run wild based on the someecard post below.

Saturday March 28, 2009

Wake up too early, get some breakfast and head back to the blood relatives for the day. This involved dinner with my dad and co. At ditches dungeon where I had the Maryland crab cake I had been craving since Xmas and the 2 glasses of cab I had been craving since 5pm. About 20 minutes into dinner I get a text "ok manns listen up it's team olson time" loves it. I finish up dinner and sneakily get my brother to drop me off with the team.

I have no clue what we are possibly going to get into. I meet them at glory days on 7th street for a beer. They are with 2 of our friends. I will name them rt's-cuz and fifi. Rt's-cuz is willing to drive us to this place called cancun cantina in hagersten. If you aren't aware of what this place is (I certaintly wasn't) it is a country line dance bar (club??) in a town 20 miles from frederick who's redneck's can only be described as if someone took a fredneck and deepfried them in bacon fat and then dipped them in self tanner.

Kmo, m1, and I go to the bathroom, and during this time rt's-cuz and fifi have gone to the liquor store and gotten some 40s and a large bottle of exotic fruits Arbor mist. Aallllllllllrrriiiiggghhhhhttttttyyyyyy then. Cause that's not a maxx out or anything. M1 is really into this and immediatley chugs the whole bottle (shakes head no). So we board the bus and start on our trek to senior week. I mean cancun. I mean hagersten. (can we discuss why it's called cancun cantina? Since when do they country line dance in Mexico?) the car ride is a trip down memory lane as we recall all of the field party memories from high school. Such classy times from our lives.

We arrive at this bar to discover that they have a shuttle that will come pick you up at your car and drive you to the door. This probably makes you think that the parking lot is huge, right? Yea, not so much. Guarantee that the furthest possible walk from vehicle to door was 50 meters. Does this start to give you a picture to who frequents the cantina?

The place is awesome. LED lights on palm trees EVERYWHERE. I feel like I am in cancun. Or Nashville. Or maybe just Newport Kentucky. We go inside. Blacklights. Everywhere. Why didn't anyone tell me to wear my white jumpsuit!! Remember planetarium day in elementary school when you would wear as much white and neon as possible so u would glow the coolest in the black light hallway? Or was I the only one that did that?

Again, it's list time:

1. Vodka sprite again. FML.
2. There is a guy who might be 5'-4" and 115 lbs. With a camera bag around his neck and a giant cowboy hat. Def one to watch for if you want to end up in pictures on their website. Too bad I didn't wear my team o shirt for publicity. That neon pink would have looked good in blacklight.
3. Meerkat neck times 5.
4. 8282736 hagersten locals dancing choreographed numbers.
5. Kmo and amo double fisting. Volume 2.
6. Amo tries to dance with the group. FAIL.
7. Music switches from country to 99.5 top 40
8. Kmo and amo do single ladies dance. I think we might have sent out the wrong impression. Tpbbf.
9. Kmo and amo get booted off the dance floor because we are drinking on it.
10. We decide drinking is more important, and stay off the dance floor
11. Camera guy is loitering by our group. He wants in and starts talking to him. I can't remember for the life of me what we talked about. But I know what we should have talked about. Oral hygeine.
12. Last call comes. We finish our drinks and head back to m1s house
13. Rt's-cuz and fifi come along
14. Shots of arbor mist??
15. Smbotto drunk dial?
16. Putting on office and ignoring it a second time
17. Getting negative 4487 hours of sleep

That's about all that happened this tto weekend. I hope you enjoyed the stories :) I had so much fun, I'm so happy you stayed Saturday night kmo :)

I miss you all already. Let's not make it 4 months til we see eachother again. Xoxoxox.

-- Post From Amo's iPhone